thoughts from the end of the couch

I was watching a movie the other day on TNT, and it couldn’t have been more predictable. The main actor, Bruce Willis, narrowly avoids death in the first scene of the movie. Now how is this suspenseful? Of course he’s not going to die. My heart rate didn’t increase what so ever because I have learned. Big stars don’t die in movies until the end. So I decided if I ever produce a movie, I will cast a big time celebrity and kill them off early on. That will throw everyone for a loop and keep them interested. Hollywood is getting more predictable than a Girls Gone Wild commercial coming on Comedy Central after 1am, you just know its going to happen. I would also have one of the extras become a key factor at the end of the movie, so then you have to watch it again and say “ahh, he was in the background at the coffee shop.”

I saw one of those Oreck vacuum commercials today. I was sad to see David Oreck is really showing his age. I think they had to start making vacuums weigh 1 pound so his brittle index finger can still pick it up to show the audience how light their vacuums are. I don’t see how this marketing campaign is perceived as successful? “Okay your vacuum is light and can suck smoke out of a smoke filled enclosure, can it clean my carpet?”



So I was watching college softball yesterday. And I came to the realization that There are probably 100 things I'd rather watch than college Softball. Theres just something about overweight lesbians getting overly pumped up about a boring sport that just doesn't hold my attention. It also had me wondering... What do these girls do after they graduate? I mean there can't be that many available Gym Teacher jobs. Hmmm. (Coming soon: List of 100 things I'd rather watch than college softball)

I saw an ad for Purdue chicken today, and the dad from Even Stevens was on it. Once again, I was sad. What’s next, Beans doing commercials for Bacon? And what happened to Ren? Living in the Lizzie McGuire Shadow of Disney Channel beauty queen must have been rough but she still could do something with her life. Maybe she’ll end up on Dancing with the Stars, I’d like that.

I have a confesstion to make. While I am a fan of all three, if you put Bob Saget, Bill Nye the Science Guy, and Steven Colbert in a room. I’d have a hard time telling you who was who.