I believe it is symbolic that today is the day I start my blog. As today, I discovered I am starting to show evidence of chest hair. I know, I know this is no reason to celebrate, in fact it is more of a reason to mourn. If genetics proves itself to be evident, this small peach fuzz of chest hair will soon make itself more abundant. This has been a fear of mine for some time now, as my family history in this department hasn't been the brightest. But by gones be by gones, I will live. Some women find it sexy right? Oh no wait... this isn't 1979. So as I mentioned the title of this blog is quite fitting, as I literally and figuratively want to get some things "off my chest.” Here’s some random things that have been bothering me lately:
I’m tired of people telling me female athletes are hot. Danica Patrick is not hot, neither are the Williams sisters. I respect their athletic abilities but I’m tired of being influenced into thinking their masculine, muscle-toned bodies are sexy, they’re not.
This is just uncalled for:
I think girls need to stop cutting their hair short. You’re not posh spice, and you never will be. And you look like a young boy.
Every time I hear someone with a southern accent speak, I want to punch them in the face and knock out their remaining teeth. Talk normal.
Why do surveillance cameras produce such poor quality videos? What’s the point of getting a pixilated shadow of a video of someone robbing you. has anyone ever been like "omg i know that guy!" this makes no sense to me.
If you can’t afford to tip the waiter/waitress, you cant afford to go out to eat. So stay home and eat ramen noodle you cheap bastards.
I don’t see why people kill themselves without doing something crazy first. Why not go out with a bang? Walk around a mall naked or tickle an authority figure. Do that then tell me you’d still want to kill yourself. If you still do, you probably should because you have no chance of ever having fun.
When is Miley Cyrus going to get braces? She’s got something funky going on in her mouth that I want no part of.
I think there should be a weight limit for girls who want to wear those cheerleading shorts. I feel bad for the shorts sometimes, they are holding on, stitch by stitch, for their lives while pounds of cellulite tries to squeeze its way into them. Here’s a rule of thumb, if you have to jump and pull on the shorts at the sa
me time to get them on, its not going to be a good situation for anyone. I mean, there should be someone at the store who monitors the sale of these shorts. “I’m sorry ma’am, you can’t buy these. But I will be glad to fit you with some sweatpants… or a poncho.”
hmm... I guess that's all for now.
I’m tired of people telling me female athletes are hot. Danica Patrick is not hot, neither are the Williams sisters. I respect their athletic abilities but I’m tired of being influenced into thinking their masculine, muscle-toned bodies are sexy, they’re not.
This is just uncalled for:
I think girls need to stop cutting their hair short. You’re not posh spice, and you never will be. And you look like a young boy.
Every time I hear someone with a southern accent speak, I want to punch them in the face and knock out their remaining teeth. Talk normal.
Why do surveillance cameras produce such poor quality videos? What’s the point of getting a pixilated shadow of a video of someone robbing you. has anyone ever been like "omg i know that guy!" this makes no sense to me.
If you can’t afford to tip the waiter/waitress, you cant afford to go out to eat. So stay home and eat ramen noodle you cheap bastards.
I don’t see why people kill themselves without doing something crazy first. Why not go out with a bang? Walk around a mall naked or tickle an authority figure. Do that then tell me you’d still want to kill yourself. If you still do, you probably should because you have no chance of ever having fun.
When is Miley Cyrus going to get braces? She’s got something funky going on in her mouth that I want no part of.
I think there should be a weight limit for girls who want to wear those cheerleading shorts. I feel bad for the shorts sometimes, they are holding on, stitch by stitch, for their lives while pounds of cellulite tries to squeeze its way into them. Here’s a rule of thumb, if you have to jump and pull on the shorts at the sa
me time to get them on, its not going to be a good situation for anyone. I mean, there should be someone at the store who monitors the sale of these shorts. “I’m sorry ma’am, you can’t buy these. But I will be glad to fit you with some sweatpants… or a poncho.”hmm... I guess that's all for now.
You're a splendid writer.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you about the whole female athletes phenomena. Danica Patrick isn't anything special (aside from being a girl that drives race cars. Ooo.) and as far as the Williams sisters are concerned, I just don't like the notion that they could break me over their knee.
Oh no! A chest hair?? So much has changed since we moved! I'm sorry!
ReplyDeleteGood blog! Very funny! You are a good writer!
candace parker is fine
ReplyDelete